"Forget about Natural food - I'm so old I need all the preservatives I can get!!" I forget who said it but still think its funny!

Lol forget about it. It was a bad joke.

Texan: Where do you come from?
Harvard Graduate: I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.
Texan: Okay, where do you come from, jackass?

My favorite joke:
A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for a Double Entendre, so he gives her one!!!!

What do you call a welsh man that's allergic to wool?... A VIRGIN

Hahahahaha, works better with New Zealanders though haha.

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp ? He bought a warehouse.

I'm here all week.

Whats better than winning the paralympics? 

Being able to walk

Sorry, I don't follow...

A pimp would buy a wh0.re....house
The dyslexic pimp buys a warehouse

oh, that makes more sense!!

I heard one the other day: What makes 9 out of 10 people happy??

Gang rape

NOTE: simplycricket in no way endorses/encourages/normalises gang rape of any kind.

Wow - some people have a woeful tasteless sense of humour!!!

A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he
comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door he is
greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray
beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up
for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but one condition.

If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will
inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures
known to man."

"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be
pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was
young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was
obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't
keep her eyes off him during the meal.

Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and
went up to bed alone. During the night he could bear
it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of
passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so
the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept
back to his room, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his
eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on
it that read,

"Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."

"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's
the best the old man can do then I don't have much to
worry about."

He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window
and threw the boulder out. As he did so, he noticed
another note on it that read

"Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.

" In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was
already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few
broken bones was better than castration he jumped out
of the window after the boulder.

As he plummeted towards the ground he saw a large
sign on the ground that read,

"Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post.

Even I took an involuntary, sharp intake of breath on the last line